Senior Citizens Rock Miami

MIAMI — This sleepy seaside town was rocked to the core this week by the arrival of 15,000 senior citizens in town for the Life@50+ Expo held each year by the American Association of Retired Persons. Police were out in force around the Miami Beach Conference Center in response to reports of rowdy senior citizens, hopped up on Geritol, patching out on their Rascal (TM) scooters and terrorizing local street gangs.

Local businesses, however, showed a huge upsurge in sales, as seniors packed local bars, restaurants, and retailers, flush with money they saved with discounts from their AARP memberships.

Local WiFi networks were overloaded to the breaking point as exuberant  seniors blogged, tweeted, and facebooked about the savings they found on tours, cruises, train trips, cars, car rentals, cellular service, hotels and high-tech devices.

AARP officials called for calm in the midst of all the  excitement, urging members to respect local residents and their way of life. “I know it’s a big temptation for seniors to go out and beat up gang members and steal their drug money,” said one official, “but with all the money they’re saving on their AARP discounts, they really don’t have to do that.”